Impassable Read online

  “Dee, please.”

  “He’s worked really really hard and he deserves to see his kids,” April said, voice trembling. “He deserves a chance.”

  “He’s had a chance. Several of them. Hundreds even.” I should’ve stopped, I should’ve shut my mouth and sat down but I couldn’t do it. “I can’t even tell you how many times he promised to take the boys places, to call them, to fucking send them a card on their birthday and then just disappeared without doing anything. And now, after a mere six months I’m just supposed to trust he’s not going to forget to feed them or maybe offer them drugs or—”

  “Dee. Stop.” Lana stood and put herself between me and Rod. I realized I’d taken a step toward him and my hands were in fists at my side. “Thank you,” she said softly. “Our boys have such a fierce mama bear and I love you for it. Can you maybe take a breath?”

  I did take a sharp one, every bit of me angry and sick to my stomach at the idea of the boys halfway across the country with Rod. Maybe it’s silly. They aren’t little anymore. Seventeen and fifteen, in fact. But after all the shit Rod pulled …

  “I talked with my lawyer and he said—”

  Lana went red and she turned on him. “Excuse me? A lawyer?”

  Rod swallowed. I wanted to wrap my hands around his skinny neck and squeeze. “My sponsor thought it would be a good idea—”

  “You spent years breaking promises to those boys. Drunken phone calls. Awful letters. And you know what, Rod? I still convinced Deena to come down here and give you another chance. And now you’re talking to lawyers?”

  He hung his head, which made April clutch his arm and glare at us, but I knew what he’s doing. He liked to play the kicked puppy. It got him more pity from those who didn’t know him.

  I put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s go, Lana.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said with an artful hitch in his voice like he was about to cry. “I wasn’t going to try to take them from you.”

  “That’s rich,” I said, and Lana slipped her hand in mine, probably to make sure it wasn’t free to smack Rod.

  “I just talked to a lawyer and that’s all. I don’t want to take them from you, I know they’re happy in Seattle. I just wanted to see them.”

  I leaned in, Lana’s hand tightening in warning. “Then why not just ask them nicely? Is it because you know they’ll say no? Is it because you know they won’t believe you’ll follow through? Is it because you hurt them so many times they are angry with you?” April was waiting for an explosion, I could see it all over her face, so I said, “We wouldn’t hit him, no matter how many times he hurt the boys. He’s not worth it.”

  A single tear dribbled down his cheek and I almost hit him anyway despite what I said.

  “Let’s get these things out to the car,” Lana said. “That is, do you still want us to take them?” When Rod nodded, I picked up the creepy doll box and Lana got another. Rod rubbed at his cheek and picked up the third and we all traipsed silently outside, our shoes scuffling the wet leaves. Somewhere down the street a dog barked, and April stood in the doorway looking small and lost.

  When the boxes were all in, Rod said sorry again. “I know I’ve been a shit dad. And I know I don’t have the right to ask for another chance, but I’d like one.”

  “Then talk to the boys about it,” Lana said. “Tell them you’re sorry. Actions not words. I’ve told you that a million times. Prove to them you mean what you say and don’t expect them to forgive you any time soon.” She rested a hand on one of the boxes. “They’ll like these, and I’ll tell them the stories. I’ll also tell them they can hear more from you, but that’s it. I’m not cheerleading for you. You dug this hole and you have to get out of it on your own.”

  That’s why I loved her. She was intelligent and she didn’t take crap from anyone, not even me. She knew her boundaries and how to communicate about them—it had saved our relationship more than once.

  Rod shook my hand and said goodbye, albeit a bit stiffly, and then we were in the car and Rod and April in the rearview.

  “Thank Odin,” I said, and Lana whacked me lightly on the arm. “Sorry,” I said. “I saw red.”

  “Me too. But damn, we have to work on your poker face. I thought you had to be all calm when your kids from the Rainbow Center tell you crazy shit.”

  “I am calm when they tell me stuff. I care about them. Rod? He made the boys cry. A lot. Fuck him.”

  Lana sighed. “I know. A lawyer. Can you fricking believe it? ‘My sponsor told me to get one,’” she said in a dopey voice and I laughed, then swerved when a woman lurched out into the road. The woman screamed at us as we passed her. “Should I stop?”

  “Would you stop at home?”

  I glanced in the mirror. We hadn’t hit her, and she didn’t look hurt, just drunk. “Nope.”

  Lana turned in her seat and watched until the woman was out of sight. “That was weird. She looked like she was foaming at the mouth.”

  I slowed. “Maybe we should call the police.”

  “No. She wasn’t hurt. And there’s no way she was actually foaming at the mouth. Probably mental health issues and I’m going to sound terrible, but I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s shit right now. I want our hotel room and a cozy bed and my wife cuddling next to me. And to shower the mothball smell away.” She pulled her shirt to her nose and then wrinkled her nose.

  I smiled and pointed us in the direction of the hotel. “I’ll respect whatever decision you make about next summer,” I said.

  “You’re part of that decision, woman. They’re your boys as much as they’re mine. Rod donated sperm and a couple good years. Everything else those boys has come from you and me. Got me, Dee?” She curled her fingers in mine and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

  I squeezed back, my heart filling with love for her. “I got you.”

  3

  Then

  I was flipping through channels when Lana emerged from the steamy bathroom, her hair plastered to her head, her cheeks flushed from the shower. “That shower is amazing.”

  “Waterfall head. We need one for our bathroom.”

  She raised a corner of the towel draped around her neck and began gently squeezing water out of her hair. “We’d never keep the boys out if we got one.”

  “We won’t tell them,” I said and flipped back the covers. “Come snuggle.”

  She waggled a finger at me. “I’ll get the sheets all wet.”

  “I want to get you all wet,” I said, enjoying it when her cheeks flushed pink. It didn’t matter that we’d been together for over a decade—I could still make her blush.

  “Promise?”

  “Oh yeah baby.” I waggled my brows and then caught the towel she launched at me. “What? Can’t handle all this sexiness?” I raised up on my knees and gyrated, my blue boy shorts making my ass look fine if I did say so myself.

  “You’re insane.” She was giggling, but the giggles faded as something caught her eye on the TV. “What in the world—?”

  I unmuted it in time to hear, “Officials have declared martial law in most major cities on the eastern seaboard. The National Guard is moving in to help bring order to the chaos. No official reports on the death toll are available to us; however, every social media site is filled with horrifying video of the violence. Viewers beware, this footage is graphic.” It cut from the reporter to a shaky cell phone video showing a terrified woman as she’s yanked down to the street by a gang of people. Another video showed a man taking a bite out of a screaming boy and you could see the flesh ripping away from bone even though the news station had pixelated the footage. Tweets scrolled, enumerating death after violent death. “Phone lines are overloaded, so we encourage anyone with loved ones on the east coast to text. You have a better chance of getting through and you free up the airwaves for emergency services.”

  Lana sat on the bed, her hands still. “What on earth is going on?”

  “It’s like the start of the apocalypse,” I joke
d, but it didn’t feel very funny and I crawled forward to wrap my arms around her. “We’re going home tomorrow. And the boys are safe with Mom and Dad.”

  She nodded. “That’s good. Very good.” A frown flitted across her face. “Did you see that guy’s mouth? The one who bit the boy? Was it … foamy?”

  I shook my head, then stopped. Had it been foamy? Had the woman who walked out in front of our car foamy lips too? “No, I don’t think so.”

  She nodded but I could tell she didn’t really believe it. Neither did I.

  “We’re leaving tomorrow,” I said again. “First thing in the morning.” I brushed her hair away from her neck and planted a kiss on her damp skin. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she said, shivering as I kissed her again. Goosebumps raced up her arms and then she turned, laughing in my arms. “You know just where to kiss me to make me shiver.”

  “Mmm,” I agreed. “I know exactly where to kiss you to make you come, too.”

  She laughed and put a finger on my lips. “Not yet. I need to dry my hair or I’ll look like an insane person tomorrow.”

  I fell back on the bed with a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Go dry your hair instead of doing the dirty with me.”

  “You’re so romantic.”

  I rolled to my side. “I so am.” The TV was filled with disturbing news and several programs were interrupted by breaking news alerts. “The violence is spreading,” yelled one reporter into a microphone before the video cut out. A world gone mad—literally. Even the BBC was reporting violence spreading across the UK and Europe. Al Jazeera talked about gangs in the streets of Cairo. Alexandria was in flames.

  “Why don’t you turn it off?” She sounded as disturbed as I felt.

  I did and crossed the room to look out the window, not sure if I was expecting to see riots in the street. It was quiet—well, as quiet as a city got. No riots. No one eating people on the corner. I pulled the curtains closed as Lana’s phone rang. “The boys?”

  She shook her head, frowning. “Rod.”

  I groaned. “Ignore it. Please.”

  She did, to my surprise. “It can wait until later, right?” The dryer turned on and I lost her in the high-pitched whine of the motor for interminable minutes. When she was finally done, her hair was tousled but dry and when she turned, she opened her robe and flashed me.

  “Oo la la. More of that, please,” I said, and then she was in my arms and the world faded away for a long, beautiful time.

  It was eleven when her phone rang again and again and again. She groaned and I slipped out of bed to see who it was. “Rod. There are a million texts too. You want to read them?” I held out her phone and she covered her eyes with her arm. I took it and scrolled through them. “He’s sorry to bother us but April isn’t feeling well. In fact, she’s really sick and he can’t get through to emergency services and their car isn’t working. Can we take them to the hospital? No.” I put the phone back on the dresser. “No, we can’t take them to the hospital. The nerve of the guy.”

  “She’s sick, huh? I thought she looked a bit sweaty while we were there, but I figured she was nervous. I hope she didn’t give us whatever it is she has.” She tugged on me and I fell back down beside her. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I said as the phone rang again. “Damn it. He’s not going to stop calling. Don’t they have friends?”

  “Rod? Friends? You’re asking this out loud?”

  “I know.” I didn’t like Rod, but the idea of April being sick enough to need a hospital and not being able to get there gnawed at me. “Shit. Lana.”

  “You want to go rescue her, don’t you?” When I turned to look, she grinned. “You’re my knight in shining armor.”

  “I’m not. I’m a mean and nasty person and I hate that asshole, damn it.”

  “Yeah, but you love rescuing the downtrodden, the underdogs, the lost souls who need lifted from the darkness they’ve fallen into!” The last bit ended in a not-so-quiet shout and I shushed her. “We going?”

  I cursed under my breath. “Yeah, we’re going but let me try the hospital. Maybe he’s just an idiot.” I looked up the number for the nearest hospital and called it. “‘All circuits are busy. Please try your call again.’ Huh.” I tried another and it was the same deal. “Why is he getting through to us?”

  “Because we’re not an ER?”

  I glanced back at the window and then the quiet TV. “What if what’s happening on the east coast has spread here?”

  She took her phone and typed out a text. After a moment, the phone binged. “Jackson wants to know why we’re up so late. He’s fine. Tucker is fine. Your parents are fine.”

  I opened my phone and found a local news site. It was quiet, talking about a fall festival tomorrow and featuring a local haunted house. No alarms about an outbreak here. “Maybe there was an accident on the freeway or something?”

  Lana shrugged. “Lucky for us we don’t have to take the freeway to get to Rod’s house. Come on. Let’s get dressed and get over there before that poor woman dies. I’ll call him and let him know we’re on the way.”

  I dressed and took another peek outside. It was still quiet: no mass murder, no riots, no crazy high guys eating each other. All was right with the world. I still couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that settled on my shoulders like a cloak.

  “Ready?” Lana asked, already bundled in her coat.

  “Yeah.” I grabbed my leather jacket off the back of the chair and followed her down the hall to the elevators. A drunk couple stumbled out as we go in, the guy leaning heavily on his date.

  “It’s crazy out there,” he slurred.

  My gaze flicked to the woman, who rolled her eyes. “Come on, asshole. If you get any heavier, I’ll drop you and leave you to sleep in the hall.”

  “Crazy out there,” he called back to us as the doors slid shut.

  “I wish I could find such joy in drunkenness,” Lana said. After dealing with Rod’s addiction for so many years, she couldn’t see any benefit in drinking. I had to agree with her.

  The drive back to Rod’s house took longer than I expected because there was a lot of traffic out. “Does this seem odd to you?” Taillights lit the night up in red and I heard the distant sound of a siren. “Maybe they got through after all,” I said, thinking of April.

  “That would be good,” Lana said and checked her phone. “No new text from them, though.”

  “Eh. Too much to hope for I suppose.” We waited through a green light and another red and then we were able to go. We pulled up the narrow street and parked behind a battered work truck a half a block away since it was now packed with cars. Our car doors were loud in the relative silence outside, though I heard what could be the same dog barking like mad. “I’m surprised that’s allowed.”

  Lana linked her arm in mine, and we walked to the house. It took three rings of the doorbell before the door finally swung open. Rod’s face was pale, his eyes red-rimmed. I thought the worse.

  “Thank God you’re here,” he said and took us inside. “She’s been coughing so hard her face turns red and she can’t breathe. I keep trying 911 but the damned circuits are busy. Can you take us to the hospital? I tried and tried to get the car started and it’s dead. Knocked on the neighbor’s door but they didn’t answer. Called a friend but he was out of town. April honey? They’re here to take you to the hospital.”

  April looked like death warmed over. Her pale skin was waxy and wet with sweat. She didn’t open her eyes when we entered the bedroom, she only moaned and called for her mom.

  “This is bad,” I said. “What happened?”

  Rod shrugged. I noticed he would not meet my eyes.

  “Rod? Did she overdose?”

  Lana’s eyebrows shot up, but I wasn’t interested in her expression. I was waiting for Rod. He immediately got angry. “She’s six months sober! Of course she didn’t overdose. She’s proud of her progress, as am I. She’d never.” He reached out with shaking h
ands and turned up her sleeve. A bandage spotted red covered a wound on her forearm. When he unwrapped it, I saw a mangled mess of flesh and blood. “She went out for a walk after you left. I stayed here to do the dishes and oh God I wish I’d gone with her. Some crazy lady bit her. Can you believe that? Acting all wild, ranting about smelling blood, and when April tried to calm her, she said the lady lunged for her, trapping her up against a car. April put her arm up to fend her off and that’s when the woman bit her.” Rod licked his lips. “Have you seen the news? People biting each other?”

  I wondered if it had been the same woman we almost hit when we left their house and saw that Lana was thinking the same thing. If we’d stopped, maybe April would be okay. Of course, the bite didn’t explain the sickness. No way a bite could have affected her that fast, not a human bite. I knew human bites were hellacious and often caused infections, but that took time, didn’t it? “Let’s get her to the car. She needs medical attention now.”

  “If I move her, it hurts her. I don’t know how we’ll get her out there without hurting her.” This Rod I almost felt sorry for because it appeared he genuinely cared about April. I’d believe it, too, if I didn’t know him as well as I did.

  “Let’s get her bite cleaned and give her some pain meds.” At his distressed look, I said, “Tylenol and ibuprofen work wonders together. No opioids needed. Can you go grab some?”

  He stood there for a moment, still looking shell-shocked and then nodded, rushing from the room.

  I sat beside April and took her hand gently. “Can you hear me?”

  She moaned and her lids fluttered open. “What are you doing here?”

  “Rod called us to get you to the hospital.”